June 6, 2012

Wasting time

The very lovely Mr. Chronic Fatigue has made an unexpected visit to my body.  He has really thrown my week off, like all unwanted guests.  I haven't been able to get out of the bed until 2pm for 2 days in a row.  Let me clarify, I am awake, I just can't get up.  So, I lay there daydreaming of the day when I will be able to hop right up and conquer life as I do so well in my heart and in my mind.

It's okay, don't feel sad for me, I can handle it.  It's going on 17 years of this on and off.  Sometimes his visits are really long. Sometimes they only last a few days.  And rarely, he leaves the very next day.  I actually prefer Mrs. Fibro.  Somehow the pain she causes me makes me angry and fired up inside.  So I feel like I can handle her a lot better.  I kinda beat her up and don't let her beat me.  Sort of like a symbolic game of tug-of-war or arm wrestling.  Of course, any arm wrestling would just give me a longer bout of pain.  But Mr. C, oh, he really gets me.  He saps all of my energy and many times makes me feel really sad inside.  He's the definite victor in this war and I hate him for it.  It's so much harder to be happy when you are so tired you lose your breath by walking to the bathroom.  But this is my life an I'm not giving in or giving up.

Anyway, I have been wasting time on pinterest.  Finding interesting blogs and walking outside in my garden for tiny 5-minute stints.  I pick a weed, snap a flower and come back inside and either sit or lay back down.  It's like a prison.  But I choose to decorate my cell beautifully and surround myself with things I love.

Like flowers from my garden:

I picked these today and reused some fillers from my Anniversary flowers.

I don't know what it is about flowers but they make me absolutely giddy inside.  I wish I had tons of energy to be in my backyard all the time so I could have a fuller garden.  But I know that's not happening and I have to be okay with that.

Here is a pic of my anniversary flowers that hubby got me at Floresta.  I absolutely adore that shop.  His philosophy matches mine completely.  He (the owner) said "there are no red roses, babys breath or lilies here".  I LOVED THAT!

Do you see the tiny blueberries in there?  I LOVE  it!
And here are some pics I took at the Anthropologie in Chelsea Market the other day.  I loved the paper flowers they had in the windows.  Made me want to sit in my yard with huge pieces of paper and make flowers all day.  Let's hope that can happen for me soon.


Looks like they were watercolored and they have some calligraphy on them too. I can only make out the word "blueberry on the one to the far left .


I also found this tutorial on how to make giant paper poppies.  
Oh my!  Some (sort-of) quilling is used.


So, that's me.  "Wasting time" because I have to stay entertained or it could get really ugly.  Just found these lyrics to a "Foster the People" song I have heard a million times.  And thanks to a CFS/Fibro support group I was able to see how fitting and loving these lyrics are for someone in my situation:
(I underlined my fave parts.)




I'll hold your hand when you are feelin' mad at me

When the monsters they won't go

And your windows won't close
I'll pretend to see what you see

How long I say how long
Will you relive the things that are gone
Oh yeah the devil's on your back
But I know you can shake him off

And every day that you want to waste
That you want to waste
You can
And every day that you want to wake up
And you want to wake
You can
And every day that you want to change
That you want to change
Yeah
I'll help you see it through
'Cause I just really wanna be with you

You know it's funny how freedom
Can make us feel contained
When the muscles in our legs aren't used to all the walkin'

I know if you could snap both your fingers
Then you'd escape with me
But in the meantime I'll just wait here and listen to you when you speak
And every day that you want to waste
That you want to waste
You can
And every day that you want to wake up
And you want to wake
You can
And every day that you want to change
That you want to change
Yeah
I'll help you see it through
'Cause I just really wanna be with you

The truth cuts us
And pulls us back up
And separates the things that look the same
But you can fight it off
You can fight it off
You can

And every day that you want to waste
That you want to waste
You can
And every day that you want to wake up
And you want to wake
You can
And every day that you want to change
That you want to change
Yeah
I'll help you see it through
'Cause I just really wanna be with you

SNIFF SNIFF!

Have a SWEET and healthy week!